So in the past few months I have taken you all along different parts of getting books done and ready and out the door. Now comes the hardest part of them all:

Selling the damned book.

You know, these things don't sell themselves -- not for us smaller writers at least. Shit, I don't know what the big big names do ... oh wait, yes I do -- they go on tours and push just as hard as the rest of us. I had a book release at a convention this time around, which is both better and worse than releasing a book in simple, normal ways. Here's a breakdown for you:

BETTER - You are surrounded by friends! So if everything sucks ass, at least you have people you know are primed to lie to you.

WORSE - You are surrounded by friends who might see you fail horribly and witness a breakdown.

BETTER - Easy access to booze.

WORSE - What possible downside could there be to lots of booze?

BETTER - You get to watch the first people buy your book. You get to look them in the eye as they pick it up and start to flip through it. You see their reactions unfold right there.

WORSE - You also get to watch the untold number of people who pick your book up and then put it back down and walk away. You are not allowed to tackle, set fire to, curse at, or cry in front of these people.

BETTER - You can sign copies of your book, not that most people care. It just makes you feel better. It's like pissing on a tree. That tree is yours now, even if someone else leans against it.

WORSE - Don't get confused and pee on the book. No, really. Bad move there, soldier. There's no peeing in baseball.

Seriously? The entire first month of a new books life cycle is one big emotional roller coaster ride. One minute you are high in the sky, flying around because sales are going well. Then you get a bad review and plummet. Or someone tells you how much they enjoyed the book, followed by someone going "Eh."

After a month, you get used to it again and can take the peaks and valleys in stride, but for that first month it is simply living hell. And you learn to hide that from the public; you learn that shit really fast! Because if you act all Walking, Talking God in front of people, they decide you're a prick and don't want to read your stuff. On the other hand, if you show them what an emotional mess you can be they think you just want pity and despise you for that. You cannot win. So, in public, you keep the chin up and say vague things about how much fun the book was to write and how you hope everyone will just enjoy it.

Inside you want to whip your cock out and smack people with it -- just because you can. Goddamn it! But no. Not that general idea. You just push the book every chance you get and keep walking.

CRAZY LITTLE THINGS is out now. You could go buy it if you want to.